There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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