sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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