he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
