i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
