i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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