You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
