She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Randomize
