you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
These tits shall not be calmed
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
