My room smells like vodka and shame
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
