I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
