There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
