dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
