whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
