Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
