I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
