just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Randomize
