hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
