So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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