I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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