y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
