I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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