His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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