i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
