My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Randomize
