"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
