I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
