Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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