I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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