I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
