whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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