FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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