eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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