just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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