we have officially lost it.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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