the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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