went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
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