today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
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