so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
