highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
