the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Randomize
