those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
