I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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