What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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