it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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