Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
