Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
