We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
