Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
