Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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