Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
