no, he came in my armpit
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
