he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
