I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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