Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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