I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
It's blow job season.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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