so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
