This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Randomize
