Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Randomize
