I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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