it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
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I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
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Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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