i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
