he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
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