My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
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