Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
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He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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