I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
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