Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
