I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
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For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
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Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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