Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
