This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
