I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
