Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
