There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
