dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Randomize
