MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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