We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
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